Fidget spinners across the globe, heed this warning! If you or a loved one have a fidget spinner in your home, according to Russia, your beloved toys can “negatively affect the psyche and make people susceptible to manipulation”. The spinning of the prongs sends subliminal messages used to control your boredom, your anxiety, and, apparently even who you support politically.
The toys are not only fun to pass the time with, but also a way to sway people into not supporting powerful Russian presidents such as Vladimir Putin. Who would have thought that these cheap pieces of plastic and metal which has brought happiness, jobs, and strength to so many American citizens, could be used as such powerful tools?
The Russian state-owned television program who started this “War on Terror” was quoted as saying fidget spinners are “instruments of zombification”, with “authoritative medics.” Prepare your children for the zombie apocalypse, because the zero hour starts when the spinner has been fidgeted.
The children are the future of this wonderful world, and when evil tempts them... We must spare them their innocence. Fidget Spinner sales are primarily aimed at our youth, the same youth who are the future voters of this country. A recent rise in support among young people for Alexei Navalny, who is supposed to be running opposition to Putin in March 2018. Navalny initially brought the negative stigma on spinners for using one in a court session.
Fidget Spinner = Anti-Kremlin Propoganda. Funny how that works, eh?
Here are a few guidelines we suggest here at Dank Memes Melt Steel Beams if you choose to continue your daily brainwashing and sleep on the obvious signs:
- Be wary of losing yourself in the spin. (Remember, you're a fidget winner)
- Spin in the privacy of your own home. (No public spintoxication)
- Use only your personal spinner. (No spinner sharesies)
- Refrain from multiple hours of spinning. (No fidget binges)
The end is near... And it all starts... With the flick... Of a spinner.
Article written by: Captain Carl