If you've ever been in a relationship, odds are you've been asked questions like this before. Ranging from the classic "Would you still love me if I was fat," to the problematic "Would you still love me if I was a sandworm from Dune?" these questions are a dime a dozen.
However, there's an ultimate question that pops up every now and again: "Would you still love me if I was a worm?" This question has gravity like no other. Consider it for a second, your lovely girlfriend is telling you about her Sunday brunch one moment, and the next she's just wriggling on the ground? How do you even deal with that?
Giselle, a 25-year-old woman, posed this question to her boyfriend Chad on a standard Saturday evening. Chad was fully unsuspecting of this gargantuan question as he lay on his couch watching a Football game. Giselle went up to get some popcorn but came back slowly creeping up to him. She asked him, ever so slightly, "Hey, can I ask you something?" Chad turned to her and asked "What is it?" not quite sure what was on the other door. All he knew was that he isn't ready.
"Would you still love me if I was a worm?" she asked, with her expressions matching the "🥺" emoji. Taking a breath of relief, Chad replied "Of course, I would." He wasn't ready for what lay next for him.
Her face turned up with a sly expression. Before Chad knew it, Giselle was three feet off the ground. She chanted words of an ancient order, seemingly gibberish to Chad. He saw in horror as first her hair sunk back in, then her limbs. He fainted at the sight of her growing smaller and smaller, her anthropomorphic features almost diminishing. Waking up hours later in a cold sweat, he was almost glad thinking that it was just a dream.
Chad's nightmare wasn't over yet. All he had to do was look down. He found Giselle, the woman he once thought of as his human girlfriend, was now a literal Earthworm. He fainted again, hoping to never wake up again.
And yet he did wake up. He couldn't shake the shock of what had transpired over the course of mere hours. This time he found Giselle the Earthworm again, though she made squeaky sounds. He was on the brink of collapsing again, though this time he noticed that the sounds came out in a sort of rhythm. He knew morse code and deciphered what Giselle the Earthworm was trying to tell him.
Giselle the Earthworm said "I'm a worm, who needs the warm. Would you give me the warmy worm?" Chad knew what he had to do. Tucking her in his foreskin, the legend goes that to this day, Giselle the Earthworm still resides in the deep recedes of Chad's foreskin.
Did Chad love her still, after she in fact became a worm? He did say that he would. But does he? He's too shocked to tell. Does Giselle the Earthworm still feel warm? Perhaps so. And what does the warmy worm feed on? We really don't wanna know. All we know is that we will never give out a resounding "YES!" when the girlfriend asks, "Would you still love me if I was a worm🥺?"
Written by Nitish Vashishtha
*Dankmeme.com is a satirical blog and our articles are strictly for entertainment purposes.